I turned 25 this year and two truths hit me hard.
- God is an extremely gracious God.
- I am still single with absolutely no prospects.
Sure there is nothing wrong with being single, but I can’t lie it does bother me just a teeny tiny bit. The majority of my high school class is married and an old friend just got engaged. My cousin and her husband are expecting ( a sweet baby boy and I AM SO EXCITED) and a girl that was a freshman when I was a senior is engaged. Sometimes it just feels like it will never happen for me.
I won’t say that I am jealous (anymore) but sometimes I get lost in this fantasy of meeting my future husband and I imagine a situation straight out of a Hallmark movie. We reach for an apple at the same time at the grocery (clearly this fantasy is pre-COVID-19). Our fingers gently brush and our eyes lock. Suddenly we know. We enjoy some dates and a tender first kiss. The scene changes to us on our wedding day with us being gently showered with flower petals as we walk into our shared destiny.
Look, I know it is cheesy but I love a good cheesy love story. I truly desire for God to lead my husband and I to each other. I have a feeling that my husband and I will be some Earth shakers and I’m so ready for us to get to that point and for us to grow together. I want a Disney level love story. Something that our kids will ask us about and our grandkids will desire.
There is nothing wrong with me desiring marriage. There is something wrong when my faith walk gets stagnant due to my desire. We have to choose to prioritize God even when we feel like He has forgotten about us.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV) says ‘There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.’
God has me in this season of singleness for a reason and it is up to me to truly embrace this season to bring glory and honor to Him. Whether I realize it or not, God knows there are certain things I won’t be able to do once I am joined to my future husband. This means that God hasn’t forgotten about me and my desires, it means that I must submit my will to His will. Only when I do that will I be satisfied in the season He has for me.
My favorite Gospel singer Jonathan McReynolds has a song titled ‘Comparison Kills‘ and let me tell you, this song has been played on repeat lately. I strongly encourage y’all to listen to it as it has shifted the way I view this season of my life.
2 Corinthians 10:11a (NIV) says ‘We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves.’ NOW I don’t think these folks are walking around believing they are on a pedestal because they are married or engaged, but it feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it? You know in your heart that they aren’t bragging, but sometimes, it just feels like they have to post their ring as soon as you get on Facebook. Or they just have to post an adorable pic on Insta as soon as you open the app.
Did you ever stop to think that God has that same thing in store for you? Your season of singleness is just a bit longer than theirs was? Did you ever stop to think that God isn’t done with your spouse yet? And because God desires that you have the most beautiful love story ever, He hasn’t brought y’all together yet?
So in your season of singleness, when it feels like everyone around you is celebrating their love, praise God. Thank Him for the opportunity to get to know Him without the distractions of a relationship. Thank Him for the opportunity to serve Him and Him alone, not Him, your husband and your future children. Praise Him for entrusting you with this season because it can teach you so much about yourself and Him. Even in this period of quarantine, thank God! How often do we have the opportunity to spend time with God with as few distractions as we have right now?
Use this time to learn how to be alone. I sometimes forget that being married is a literal full-time job. I can’t clock out at 5 pm and come back at 9 am. You share a home, bed, bathroom, finances and eventually (God willing) children with this person. In this time of singleness, learn how to be alone and learn how to enjoy being alone.
Do devotionals on your own. Go see a movie by yourself. Go to dinner and ask for a table for one. Take a walk and chat with God.
Song of Songs says ‘Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires’ three different times* through the eight chapters of the book. Do not awaken love until God Himself puts that desire in your heart.
How will I know when that desire is really from God? I’m happy you asked.
How do you know when your mom is upset about something? Or when your best friend is about to ask you for a favor? You know because you know them at their core. You have spent years getting to know the ins and outs of the folks closest to you.
In this season of singleness, get to know God so deeply that there is no mistaking when He asks you to do something or go somewhere. When it is time for God to awaken that desire of love in you, you’ll know because you know God’s voice.
In this season of singleness it will be crucial that you learn to identify the difference between your desires and God’s Will. I want to be married right now because I want me to be married right now. Instead of forcing it though, I’m going to let God be God because God being God is what God does best.
God wants me to be single right now and I am okay with that.
*Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4