This is a very honest post and not that my other posts aren’t but I’m sharing a bit about my heart today.
Lately I have had a really difficult time being single and this realization threw me for a loop. I have been spending a lot of time with God and I have been really cognizant of the things I internalize.
This means no super romantic movies, nothing with a sex scene and monitoring my social media time. I was doing really great until this past week. The desire for a committed relationship hit me hard and latched onto me despite my efforts to shake it off. I found myself fantasizing about meeting my future spouse and what marriage will be like. I found myself a smidge jealous of the happy couples in my life.
Then I wrote a letter to my husband. This is something I’ve been doing for a while but the past month or so, I fell off. I expressed my frustrations first to God and then to my husband. It is sometimes odd to think that he will one day read these letters as a way to get to know me deeper but I cherish the time I have to write him. I also find solace in the fact that he may feel the same way I currently do and that this letter could be a way that we are drawn closer together.
As I wrote the letter I began to feel a bit silly. Do I want a committed relationship because a friend is getting married in August and I am subconsciously comparing myself? Or do I want a relationship because God put that desire in my heart when I was a girl and I just really want it to come to pass?
It isn’t the latter. I realized I want this because I’m at the age where I ‘should’ be seriously dating and I ‘should’ be engaged. I had to shift my perspective and realign myself with God. Yes, I want a husband but I’m not going out of my way to find him because the Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. I believe that God is preparing my husband’s heart, mind and soul for me just as God is doing my own.
I had to accept that maybe there are some things in my life that will make me a bit difficult to pursue at the current moment. Lately I’ve been asking God to bless the woman that I’m trying to become. A woman who serves Him first and has her heart set on Kingdom business.
I found myself wondering what I could do to get the attention of attractive men but then it dawned on me that this was nothing but a distraction from the enemy. I thank God for His quick thinking and His beautiful reminder of my worth as a single woman.
I want a husband but I want God more. I had to remind myself that I was once okay with the idea that I may never marry but would use my life to serve God. I wanted to get back to that level of satisfaction.
Now that I have this back in the forefront of my mind, I feel less stressed. I feel more like myself. I’m more aware now. I know that I must pray for this satisfaction daily instead of relying on the strength I felt in days and weeks prior.
If you are feeling the same way I was, I want to share a prayer with you that I came up with some months ago.
Thank You for who You are and who You are creating me to be. It is my prayer that I would be deeply appreciative of my season of singleness.
I pray Lord that You would show me how to grow into the woman You want me to be. Help me to use this time to learn more about You.
Let me be completely satisfied in You in my singleness.
In Your Son’s name,
I really believe that if you’re struggling with being satisfied in your singleness that this prayer (or a variation of it) can really change your perspective. Remember, we have power in our tongues. We can and should speak satisfaction over this season of our lives.