letting go of my idols

I originally started this post in February of 2020, right when Love Is Blind first aired. Then I let it sit in my drafts for two years because I was never really sure how to formulate my thoughts.

Unless you’re like me and avoided social media or Netflix for the past few weeks (or in my case months), you know that the show Love is Blind is back for a second season. The show aims to test if love is truly blind through an experiment that (hopefully) ends in marriage.

As I’ve watched the second season, I realize that the work Christ has done in me goes so much deeper than I previously thought.

Before I continue, let me share a little fact about myself. I love shows like this and Married At First Sight. I love shows that test if love is compatible. I consumed both these shows in 2020 like my life depended on it. I even contemplated applying for either of the shows if they ever came to Michigan.

Why?

Well, like I said, this stuff is interesting to me. I also wanted to get married so badly that I was willing to leave it up to random experts and not the God who created me.

Insane, I know.

This year however something was different. I began to watch this new season with different eyes. I began to see the way the people on the show desperately grasped at the idea of love. I began to listen to the reasons people applied to the show.

“I just think I’m ready to get married.”

“I’m just tired of being single.”

“I’m turning 30.”

“I thought it would be fun.”

With the exception of thinking marriage would be fun, I agreed with all those reasons. They all made sense to me.

The last few months of 2021 God showed me that I had been idolizing marriage and at one point I wanted it more than I wanted God… and that’s what an idol is right? Any created thing you willingly put in the position of The Creator. This was me and because marriage is something that God has called good, I ignored the conviction I felt when I consistently placed too much emphasis on it.

While watching this new season, I began to remember the places where I used to praise this idol of marriage in my own life.

It was the way I sought to catch eyes with a handsome man at church. The way I hoped someone would DM me and be everything I wanted. It was the way I put up with so much foolishness in the hopes he’d change and choose me.

It was the way I kept having sex because I thought it would make him commit.

And while none of those things flat out said that I idolized marriage, I was. I began to treat marriage, in my mind, like a game of compatibility instead of something ordained by God. I began to see it as something you have to do before a certain age instead of something that has never been assigned a limit.

I began to see it as my ultimate goal instead of Jesus being proud of me.

Watching these new episodes has shown me that I have been so incredibly impatient with God. I prayed more to meet my husband than for my husband. While this revelation came to me at the end of last year, I finally felt ready to write about it. Y’all know I don’t post unless I feel led so there are times when I hold on to things for a few months or two whole years!

So as this month comes to an end, I want to highlight how I overcame my idolization and insecurities. I want to highlight how I learned to love God move than the idea of my future husband. February is always a little difficult for me in terms of romance, not because of Valentine’s Day but because my birthday is this month. I want to celebrate my birthday with someone special and I want to enjoy the way they care for me.

God has used these past two years to show me that I do have it in me to 100% faithful to Him as He has always been to me. He has shown me that I’m strong enough to withstand sexual temptation and strong enough to decline offers for relationships that won’t ultimately bring glory to God.

There is a story in Judges 6 about Gideon that I want to share. It is one of those stories that God spoke to me through so it may seem out of context, and it is a bit, but just track with me. Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites when an angel of The Lord appeared to him.

The angel of the Lord calls Gideon a mighty warrior and tells him that he will play a hand in saving Israel from Midian. Gideon, like most of us, doesn’t feel qualified for this mission.

This next part is my favorite part of this story. In v14, the Lord tells Gideon to go in the strength that he already has. The Lord ends his comment to Gideon by saying “Am I not sending you?”

And WHEW! This story sparked something in me. When God calls me to be obedient, I already have all the strength I need to do what He has called me to do! When God is calling me not to fall into sin, I already have all the strength that I need.

The New Testament even reiterates this. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says ‘No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

This verse reminds me that I am always strong enough to resist the temptation to put marriage above God. I am always strong enough to resist the offer of sex. I can endure the temptation I just have to trust Him enough to take advantage of the way out He provides.

This isn’t by my own might at all. It is all by the grace of God through Jesus.

Do I hope I get married one day? Yes. Do I feel like this is a desire given to me from God? Yes. Will I still serve Him faithfully if I’m wrong and I never get married?

Yes.

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